Man... you can't tell me nothing...

Ten years...four for good behavior...

2008-08-06T18:18:00.000-07:00

No time to be idle. Not now. My last posting I reported on my lil bro on lock down awaiting his sentence hearing. A hearing to which that was held over for a period of ten months. Well, it is now August 08 and he is just now getting to the finality of his case hearing being sentenced. I recieved two letters from him after a spell of virtually no communcations between us. for unknown reasons. However he did say that the judge gave him three years for the gun charge and he is still awaiting the rest of his sentencing to happen a few days after the fact.

News break...this just in...
In the middle of me writing this report, I just received word that my lil bro was sentenced to 10 years with one year credit served. With only one saving grace should he survive on the inside, he may get parole in four years.

Okay, everything I was thinking up until this point has illuded me.

My worst nightmare has come true. My god, my god how could we let things go this far? how could we just let Satan reign on our parade of life? There is nothing left to do but study war and do battle. Fight for our land, our men our territory. New plan of action. How to pray? How to press in?

This is my lil bro we are talking about! I named him already. I potty trianed him. I was there through the chicken pocks and I will not surrender him to the pit. I refuse to let the devil have control over his life. I have to get Word to him.

Talk about the Butterfly Effect...if I could only turn back the hands of time. But I can't. It's impossible. God's plan doesn't work like that. You have to go forward no matter what. And I suppose I will have to get that through to him some how. Now the burden has just increased. So I have to pray for diligence and energy to be able to go the distance with him and all those the Lord can reach through this situation. I'm thankful for that much alone. I must loose heart. There is a great harvest there.

Ten years and he will be 34 years of age by the time he is released. No that is isn't entirely correct. They did say that he could be eligble for parole in four years. So I believe now is the time for me to begin making preparations for his release. Because I am no where my self at the present time. I am only just beginning in ministry. But I am quickened in this hour. I know what has to be done. The Lord has given me an agenda. I have to go forward with plans of the mnistry for it is through the vehicle of such, not only my lil bro but many others can come to know the Lord.

In this hour I immediately begin to search for reason and remedy. Praying for peace to be still in the midst of the storm that has arrised in my heart. Time to do the Lord's bidding and surrender the entire situation over to the Lord for He cares and He alone can save and turn this situation around. All he needs is one to stand in the gap and make up the hedge. Just one.

Makes me to think upon Joseph's story in the Bible where he was too cast into a pit, a dungeon if you will and it all worked out for his good. God used the very thing that the devil thought for evil and turned it around for his good.

I have to stay prayerful because now it is getting to be the heaviest. The torment is going to try and vex me with wild dreams of danger the same that my lil bro may have to face. But I am so glad today to know that the Lord is real and true and that nothing shall seperate the least of us from the Love of God.

So now I pray:

Father God in Heaven, O soveriegn and mighty God of Heaven and Earth.There is nothing impossible for you for you alone are God and God all by yourself. I am so thankful to know you and that you know me. Great is thy faithfulness, mercy and goodness are all about you. For you summon justice and righteousness at your beckon call to release the captives of the land. You said you need only one to make up the hedge to stand in the gap.

Therefore I pray Lord now in this place that you would use me at your Will and service; To be that one to intercede on behalf of the slave; the captured ones thrown into the pit. That the guilty would plea innocence for they are ignorant of the devil's ways. And those who know you even, Lord spare them the fate of eternal damnation right here on this Earth. And woo them yet again with your great mercy and grace that they may repent and turn from their wicked ways. That you shall hear from Heaven and forgive them of their transgressions and heal their land. Mend their hearts and give them hearts of flesh that you may deal with them according to your word.

Deliver them Lord who are searching for a way out. Provide an avenue of escape where they are tempted past what their souls can bear. Be their shelter and their strongtower. Be their shepherd in the shadow of death that they fear no evil, restore their souls perpetually that no weapon formed against them shall prosper and deliver them far from the evil one today.

Lord let it be in this place. And I pray your blessings of strength and encouragement be upon I, your servant that I am stedfast in this stance and plea and petition that I lay before thee. Help me Lord to withstand the evil that stalks at noon day. That I am diligent in this quest. Make me warrior after your perfect will that it shall be established here on this Earth as it is heaven. For thy is the power and the glory and the kingdom forever and ever. IN Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

Stay tuned for what develops next and see the Lord make a way out of no way. because teh Lord is faithful to answer prayer and his spoken word once declared in the hearts of man and spoken forth into the atmosphere out of our mouths.

I'm looking for a miracle.

It's 3:26 a.m.

2008-05-05T00:26:00.000-07:00

And I'm up like clockwork stretching out my thoughts before the Lord concerning my lil bro' on lockdown. For there are many so much I have accumulated. A file filled to capacity. Books on pits, materials ripped from the headlines, media clippings on the crime rates skyrocketing. And the saddest news is it documents all black on black crime. Incarceration and our young black youth. It's like seals on the scrolls are being broken in Heaven and this is part of the jugment.

I have my heart felt sentiments, to-do list of waging war and launching a movement to help stop the plight and dilemna facing our society today all in the name of God. Ways I believe I can help my lil' bro' in this hour and be of support. You know it helps when people care about other people that are lock away behind bars. Without judgment.

I can't be selfish in the sense that I think it is only my lil bro' going through this crisis. Yea, he is just one of the thousands that are locked away. More like thrown away. I have wrote so many letters trying to plea mercy in his defense trying to get the judge/magistrate to recieve my plea but from over a thousand miles a way it is no easy task. It's all I can do though in lieu of hiring a real lawyer to, 'blow the case out,' as my lil' bro' says.

But we are poor and needy and the only advocate we have is the Christ. He who has passed through the Heavens. Our High Preist, the Lord of Host, Jesus Christ. So we have to wait on Him to work it out for us. Believing the Lord shall avenge our situation because there is an under lining theme. A deeper reason why all these evil things seem to be happening to us. So I pray and wait on the Lord for healing and pray forgiveness as well because it is necessary in order to heal the searing wounds of our hearts. Everyone involved. I pray that the Lord work from within and free my lil' bro' in the mind first through his heart. Then the rest shall follow because who the Son sets free is free in deed. Amen.

Yea, in the meantime, I shall stay prayful that the bailiff is having a good day and feels like delivering the Fed-exed file or better yet forwarding the e-mail I composed to my lil bro's judge's way when it's time to come to trial.

You can only do what you can do and then stand back and see the salvation of the Lord. Amen. Less loose serious sleep at night. How can I sleep knowing that the enemy has captured my lil bro', I have to set up and prepare strategy to send the Word of God to free him.

Lil bro' on lockdown....

God, in Heaven, I detest that phrase but what can I do except pray and do what the Lord would have me do on his behalf? Keep sending His Word and letters of support and love and strength inside so he knows that the Lord is with him and he is reminded that no matter what happens the Lord's presence is there to see him through. That prison is not his destiny Not what the Lord purposed his life for. That no weapons formed against him shall prosper. That's mostly what my letters be about. Of which I have so many. Ones I composed and haven't sent yet, materials and archives of encouragement. The burden is so heavy a times but I have to understand that the battle is not mine and I have to flow in the Spirit with a spirit of willingness and obedience.

I just recieved a letter from my lil' bro just last week. It was right after his sentence hearing and our last conversation on the phone via three-way and in it he sent a picture of himself. Made me want to cry. I haven't seen him since the turn of the century when I came home to see the family in 2000 right when I had given birth to my own lil baby boy. I had been gone for so long pursuing my career as a fashion model and actress. That was my plan once upon time too. To make it big time, so I could help my family. Nothing unique. I think everybody deep down has that one soul ambition; to be a help to their families in a significant manner. After all what is anything really based upon or about other than preserving the posterity of one's heritage.

Any way, before that moment. I had been gone exactly five years since 1995. Again having just resurfaced from ...nevermind. it's unimportant at this time. however, I was living at home going to school. My first legitimate binge on formal education enrolled in classes at the community college but something happened and I ended up leaving and that too has something directly and indirectly to do with my lil' bro and all of the rest of my younger siblings. I suppose being born into my particular family has been my biggest glitch thus far but what can I do except be in acceptance and go forward with the calling of first and foremost ministering to my household. After all the power of choice strecthing far yea the only thing we can not choose is the family we are born into. God selects that for us... for his purposes of course.

But getting back to the story, Jacob was just a minor coming into adolescence in 2000. All of 13 years of age and a fairly good youth growing up in spite of everything that had already transpired in his life. Being taken by the state and such. He was still residing inside the foster care system. Actually at that point he had a decent foster home. But not his first foster home setting. So who knows what damage had already been done deep down on the inside. I had been keeping up with his progress and had met the lady where he was living. They were good christian folk and the household where he was staying had a few foster children the same age as he. He seemed adjusted but genuinely unhappy. Like that girl in White Olander.

But honest and truly the plan was to come home and get custody of him and raise him along side my own son. I had just won an insurance settelment in the city where I was residing, NYC and it was sizable enough so I thought. February 14th, 2000 was my pay day, an entire $33,000.00. But a third of that went to attorney fees for taking my case on contigency basis and what I was left with 18k. One would had thought it would have been enough to secure me and my own doings until my coming home in the spring time of the year. But because of my own irresponsibilty, over expenditures in mishandling the funds, I ended up blowing the majority of it on nothing but living frivously, (the high life in NYC and having a brand new baby and showboating and etc.) . A classic case of being nigga-rich never pays.

So by the time I did go home to see every one, I had run through most of the loot. Only had maybe $3,000 left in my bank account and I had to front like everything was okay which wasn't easy because I was plotting and scheming the whole way. "In angst" of how I was going to work it all out. That was how to begin my life afresh and brand new with only $3000. Get a house and a job and a car and basically start over again from scratch. I was like a fish out of water because mommy-hood and everything that came with it was so new to me. Plus, being a brand new Christian having just returned to the Lord only two years prior but he process taken effect to the surface of my life just shining through. Having my son was evidence of that.

Up until that point in time, the majority of my twenties was about self-glorification and backsliding. Guess one can only backslide so much until they hit the back up against a wall more like a rock. That rock is Jesus (of course) and the only thing that I did have was my faith but the wisdom department had yet to develop especially in immediate family matters. Yea, I still went through with it anyway because my heart was in the right place, I had integrity enough to keep my word.

Though the cards were stacked thick against my present situation, I called up the social worker and called in a counsel to try and see if I could get them to release my lil' bro into my permanent custody. But the truth of the matter was that I lacked the financial stability and credible social standing that was necessary to secure the agreement. On paper I was who?

His older sister. Occupation a main-stream commercial model and struggling actress from NYC of which these people had no concept. Unless I was in a certain tax bracket, the state was not recognizing me as anything significant much less trust worthy and able to provide a secure, stable environment for my lil' bro. The verdict being that the social worker didn't deem me as a credible risk for his release into my custody.

Oh yeah, sure like they could do such a better job? Whatever! They could be sued the way I feel about it because it was by their hand, the negligence of the bloody Frankin county Children Services that he aged out of their system and became a menace to society not by mine. (what the heck did they know?) I heard a rumor tht he was even raped inside of one of those homes or group homes.

Now that I think back on it, I should have taken him anyway. Should have put him right up inside of my rental car and hit the road like I did back in 1995. They couldn't had done a darn thing aboout it !Once I hit the out of state boundaries, he would have been listed as just another run away like so many foster kids do and that would have been the end of it. Dag man, what was I thinking to comply with the damned bloody system as if there is anything good in it?! And if I knew then what I see now happening in his young life, with God as my witness, I would'nt have thought twice about it.

No greater love than this for another to lay down their own life so another can take theirs up. But that is all now fowl stick water under the bridge cause I can't go back and relive that time. It is already spent.

But what can I do?

Perhaps that is why I am so tormented. Because out of all my other older siblings, I was the one who was the closest to my youngest siblings who carried and shouldered the burden for their well being.

But here it is almost an entire decade inside the new millenium and here is where life finds us; seperated and yet together in spirit and God all up in the midst. My lil bro having fallen into the horrible abyss of state imprisonment the likes of so many of his peers in America today. The grave epidemic of our young black youth just dying in the streets at one anothers hands for foolishness sake. Their lives they cannot see thier own value so they squander it upon nothingness. They have no real role models. No mentors. No hope and seemingly the enemy has made them to think that it is them against the world; against society at large. "Get rich or die" trying is the motto of this generation and the idolatry is cutting them a one way ticket to destruction and an early grave.

There is no empathy or should I say very little for my young black youth living in the land coming from broken homes and such and places of dislocation like my lil' bro' who is only 48 hours away from his pending sentence hearing.

The last time I spoke with him he said he believes that the judge is trying to throw him under the jail. Saying that he is facing a 15 to 20 year bid pending his state's evidence.

and remember this is election year.

All I can do and say on that one is, I believe this is the hour to fast and pray for my lil' bro on lock down and believe that the Lord is going to turn this all around.

See, my thinking and logic in the things of God's kingdom principles. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, I know he can turn this around and mean it for the Lord's good so says the Word of Dod. It is my only defense and comfort and more than money on my lil bro's books. It's all I can send him to keep him alive and from turning in on himself.

I have to trust that once his eyes look upon the Word that I lace my letters out with, that he will recieve it and then from there I am thankful that the Lord's word shall not return to him void.

But I keep hearing the Spirit of the Lord say unto me, "Send my Word Jessica. "

"Be light in dark places. "

"The laboreres are so few."

"But the harvest is so great."

So I am encouraged all the more to not abandon my young brother nor the those around him to the pit. His cell mate and the entire cell block that is what I am after because this is more than a supernatural fix. and Ihave put on the mind of Christ an dyes, i shall rally in this regard as crusader. This thing here is spiritual. We are talking about the souls of an entire generation ripe for the harvesting and what's interesting is that the majority of America; No one cares. No one cares.

The way I see it, the devil just picked the wrong one when he saw fit to seize my lil bro' cause now I'm gonna have to take matters to the head. The Christ shall prevail in this and no one shall deny him His claim!

So ha! ha! ha Satan!!! Charge!!!

Your gonna be put to shame for trying to bring condemnation against those who ultimately shall come to know the Lord in such a sweet and intimate way because I am going to send the word. My steps are ordered in this. i am gonna send the word!!!

Introducing lil bro' on lockdown/Send the Word Campaign for the edifying and rehabiltation purposes of young youth all over this land that are facing a bid of incarceration. You just wait and see! Now is the time of their appointed salvation in the Lord! The Day of the Lord is at hand.

Since I got the very first call and information that my lil bro' is locked behind bars, I have been on the firing line praying the prayers sending up the vapors unto my Father in Heaven that He would recieve my petition in my intercession via the Holy Spirit. So long as I am obedient the Lord will do the work for the battle is not mine. I am simply a vessel.

I like to say that God plays chess. In this lifetime one is going either rule by his lead or be ruled and if the scripture holds true which I am sold out that it does; the one about the Lord having supreme dominion over any and everything every created. All powers, principalities, thrones and dominions seen and unseen, (Check the ook of Collosians, the new Testament) Then I believe my lil bro' is coming out of this thing without spot, wrinkle or blemish or any such thing becasue he too believe it or not being grafted into the vine makes up apart of the body of Christ being the church which is the Lord's bride and of whom he is coming back for.

Not in my way but in the Lord's way for he belongs to the Lord now.

Of course there is going to be a rigorous process to endure to bring him to that point but even still this is my prayer and the Lord has recieved it beside the alter of incense (see Revelations 5 chapeter read entire chapter) and considered my plea because I plea His will, standing in the gap for another, my lil bro'(s)' on lockdown. The Lord shall answer and the Lord shall declare His rightousness over the situation.

My concern is that I be of assistance in that process by loving him through the Word of God and letting God be who He is to him after all is said and done. That my lil bro'(s) shall stop wrestling and come to himself and realize that it doesn't pay to serve Satan nor to be a slave to sin nor a master of it. And by this revelation, he will repent and confess his sins and desire to never sin again. It gives me comfort in knowing that the Lord is in the midst of it all. I'm thankful because I don't have to bear the burden all by myself for this is all our salvation. Amen.

Who knows my lil bro' may become a pastor and walk right into his destiny from this episode in His life. The mark of the highest calling and be raised up for the next generation. Keeping in mind that that is how they overcame the enemy, By the word of their (true) testimony and the blood of the lamb.

Now I prophesy that he will be used of god as an instrument of His rightousness to help to save the next generation coming up under him and so on and so on forth. Becasue that is how the Lord works. How this thing is perpetual. Without end.

That is what drives me; the reward. The reward. For the harvest as the Lord says is so great.

Hallelujah and Amen.

TBC

JRH
archives
inside the mind of an aspiring ministress

The Sentence Hearing/after the fact

2008-04-27T21:16:00.000-07:00

On April 24th, 2008 the call came I was waiting for around ten o'clock at night. I looked at the called I.D. It read (614) area code. My heart braced for I knew who it was calling me. It was my lil bro, Jacob. I swallowed and then picked up.

"Hello."

"Hi, my I speak to Jessica?"

"This is she."

"It's Antoine." "Jacob is on the line. "

"Yeah, so tell me what is going on?"

How'd it go with your sentence hearing?"

It didn't go good sis..they are trying to throw the book at me!"

His words he spoke in a panick- like state.

"I go back May 8th for the finality of my sentencing."

"Sis, they are trying to give me 15 to 20 years!!!"

They let my co-defendant off. She said that the guy who committed the robbery was 6' feet tall." I got a copy of my discovery. Jessica it is not me. I'm not that person. My public defender she is on their side..."

"Calm down!" I shot back.

"They are not going to give you all that time."

" Calm down." The enemy is trying to torment you right now. "

"Yeah, well it's working." He answered back in a frazzled voice.

I interjected, "Stop being nervous!"

"Boy, don't you know I am praying and fasting and weeping and lamenting at the alter every Sunday and Wednesday night. I'm doing everything I know to do that the Lord lays on my heart about the situation trying to help bear this burden with you declaring the Word of God over your life that your faith be strenghtened." Hold fast to your confession of who the Lord is to you!!!"

"Don't throw away your faith."

I know but ...but I need a real lawyer! A real lawyer would blow this case out!"

Graveliing pitifully in a low voice, "Jessica does daddy have any money to get me a lawyer?"

No Jacob. I replied solemly.

Does Michelle or Christine Ruth?"

Come on now jacob your being ridiculous. I'm all you have as far as the family goes.''

What about Michael? he sounded almost hopeless.

No Jacob. I answered back in a matter of fact tone. "Now stop this foolishness."

"What did I tell you."

"Your going to conquer this."

"This is not going to be the story of your life. Don't throw away your faith or you will surely die."

"All we have is our faith and we have to trust God through this. God is faithful. Listen we are going to pray right now."

So began to immediately intercede on behalf of my lil bro'professing and decreeing the word of the Living God loud and sharp in my lil bro's ear drum against the uncertainity of the timing allowed via the static-frayed three -way that my lil bro's room-mate was facilitating, belting out by memory Psalm 91 in a fierce supplicating stance, "Jacob who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide in the Shadow of the Almighty Forever. "

"And Jacob shall say unto the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: My God; in Him will I trust."

"Father God in Heaven, we thank you Lord for this flow of communication wherein you have permitted Jacob to contact me so I can be used to minister to his spirit by your Spirit, the Holy Spirit make intercession for both of us in the name of Jesus."

Continuing on... "Now Lord we thank you for encamping your gardian angels around Jacob to keep him in all his ways. We thank you Lord for we have a high preist who has passed through the heavens yet..."

I tripped up trying to repeat the passage word for word so I continued on paraphrasing a text in Hebrews one of the favorite scriptures of verse that i often include in my writings to him,

"But is not...so far removed from us that he can not feel our afflictions for He was tempted in every way known to man yet knew no sin and yet there was no guile found in his mouth, so that Lord boldly approach the throne of Grace in our hour of need and recieve the help that we desire of thee. "

There was absolute silence. Jacob and Antoine, they both were being still and listening. I was thankful that they were doing so. It was a signal that they believed. Moreover, that Jacob was receiving the good news. The fact that all of his salvation was in the Lord's report and not so much of what the court and judge had to say earlier that day.

Sealing the prayer, "In Jesus name and Amen."

Then taking note of the time. It had maybe been a whole ten minutes since he had called me up. I knew the phone was about to disconnect because the jail phone system normally is not set up for prisoners to make three-way phone calls.

"Jacob, did you get my package I sent you?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"Did you follow my instructions?"

"Did you hand out the information I sent to you in it?"

Inside of the letters I been sending my lil bro are additional letters of support, comfort and encouragement. becasue the Holy Spirit made me to know that even though I am faithful to write my lil bro to keep his heart from becoming hardened, I should use wisdom even in that much. leading me to see and understand that even in my younger bro getting these letters I was always sending to him that they could actually make him into an easier target becasue other cell-mates could see him in and get jealous of the attention that he would be recieving via my letters. So I began to attempt to write them all. I that I include a seperate note in the form of a cover letter personally signed by me with addendums of Poetry, myspace bloggs, statistical reports highlighting the grave issue of young black men and how they over populated the prison systems across America, photocopies of books of spiritual content on examining their hearts, their behavioral patterns. Anything to make them see what is happening, to prompt them to open thier eyes and see for them selves how the enemy has tricked them into falling into a pit of their own free volition. Something the Lord put on my heart to do becasue the Lord showed me one day how this situation could be used mightily for the his purposes.

I was so tormented by all the danger and evil that could befall my younger bro' when he initially got locked up. Always in prayer mode my heart was so very heavy. But at first I thought well maybe if I write to his judge and plea mercy in his defense. Perhaps that could have some bearing on his sentence. Maybe the judge would have mercy on him and be lenient in his sentencing. My younger bro's initial sentence hearing was held on November 18th 2007. That is when I sent my first package to his judge. It was a cordial letter several pages long with media clippings inserted thooughout it in court room fashion like exibit A and exibit B. etc. Written in his defense expressing who my lil bro was.

My whole intent was to try and get the judge to see him as a human being with potential not as a convicted harded criminal. So I began petitioning tele-evangelistic ministries like Rob Parlsey and Taking Authority with Bishop Eddie Long and Kenneth Copeland Ministries. Iwrote all of them and asked them to pray for the Lord's word over the situation of what was happening with my lil bro. Then I called the clerk of courts in my hometwon and inquired how to get a hold of my lil bro's judge. Then I wrote him a letter and I included everything in the letter that could possibly help to soften the heart of the one who recieved it.

To wit, I was praying all my long-distance effort and prayers would be of some assistance in winning my lil bro' a lesser sentence. I even went as far as to sound the alarm sort to speak and involve my older brother of whom I thought could be of some assistance because of his rank and position within the law enforcement agencies and associations he may have in being a highway patrol man in the state where our younger brother is presently facing a bid of incarceration.

The day of his initial sentencing came (Novemebr 18th) and the judge continued the hearing. Now I can't be sure if the continuation was becasue of all the prayers and package but i did recieve it as a sign that the Lord was working it out in my lil bro's favor. the lay-over or delay sort to speak did win him an over -extended stay at the gray ball motel being the men's work house in Columbus Ohio. Post-poning his sentence hearing until a later date after the holidays (January 2008).

To wit, I believe this was a good thing because it meant that my lil bro was not in a state or federal penitentiary with the real hard core convicts and repubates of society dwell. Oh God, the dread of even thinking about something as morbid as that. My heart continued to grieve. But, in that, in all the time that has past, I have found new strength, hope and courage that which I plan to share and transfer to my lil bro every time I can with the love I have in my heart for him and looking to the Father above. I know that the Lord is going to make all these things we are enduring work out for our good because we love him and are called according to His purposes. Standing on the word that is all we have for this is all our salvation and more than that the Lord's word shall not return to him void. So I have faith and wait in expectation as I continue to do what the Lord tells me to do and that is send the word. His word of salvation and pray that the seeds fall on good ground.

"Yes."

"I gave it to some youth in here."

"Great!" I replied back.

"You don't have to worry about no one jumping on you in there when they have the word ot contend with. I'm going to keep sending you the word you have to be a light in dark place. this is an inside job, you see. the idea is as long as your cell mate is feeding on the word then pretty soon before long the entire cell block will be transformed by the Holy Spirit."

"Yeah..I know."

He said with a smile in his response. I could tell. I could hear it in his voice how he said, "yeah."

"Yeah..I will send so much word in side that place until the enemy is provoked into letting you go because you are going to cause a monkey wrench in his plans to steal, kill and destroy all of you."

"Don't get overwhelmed because you are not the only one." "Remember that!"

"I know."

"Yep, sure enough, lil bro your about to get a crash course in Jesus. I'm going to keep you in my prayers and keep writing to you and your cell mates to keep your spirits encouraged in the Lord."

" Hey, why don't you turn up your plate for a day and sup on the Word."

"Yeah, I know I read your letter about fasting and praying."

That's right you can't do this in your own strength."

"You are going to have to die out for a little bit to escape that place in the spirit realm. Fasting and praying the Word of God is the only way. Meditate on those scriptures I gave you."

"Hey did you read that thing about Mandela I sent you?" "They sent him away for half of his life it seemed and he was a fighter for equal rights and peace for his people and he didn't loose his mind in jail. He only got stronger." " Now he's a prince amongst princes."

"Can I call you tomorrow?" He asked me in calm yet lonely voice.

"Of course, lil bro." " You can always call on me."

"Okay. Thank you again."

"It's okay jacob the Lord is going to see you through al of this. In the meantime you just just keep doing what the Lord tells you to do. be light in a dark place. You may have to sing asome hymms out loud sometime. Like the Apostle Paul."

"Huh..I can't do that."

"Why not, the worst thing they can do is throw you in the hole and then you will have all kinds of time to be alone with the Lord." Not like they can do too much alse to you."

"You are right about that."

"I love you lil bro'. Keep your head up and your faith tight."

"I will."

"I love you." I love you too lil bro."

"I am never going to say good bye to you."

"One."

Our signature for completeness in closing out our conversations.